Look for the bare necessities The simple bare necessities Forget about your worries and your strife I mean the bare necessities That's why a bear can rest at ease With just the bare necessities of life
This 4th of July was pretty uneventful. We didn't even get to see the fireworks. However, we did go to Matthew's house for a BBQ today after church and it was nice to spend some quiet time with my family. While Matthew and Mom were cooking, I was outside taking pictures of the kids. Matthew's kids are getting so big now. They fight over who gets to hold, feed or sit beside Carter. They adore him and they think that anything he does is so funny. Sometimes Carter and his cousins create a stir in church when they are supposed to be sitting still. (Sigh!) So far I've not had much success at getting Carter to be quiet during church services. Why should he sit still? He has a large adoring audience who think he's the cat's meow.
Carter is trying his very best to crawl, but he cannot get the hang of it. He just learned to get up on his hands and knees and rock back and forth. I can see his frustration in not being able to make his arms and legs move the way he wants them to and it's exasperating to watch try over and over again without success. I can almost hear him thinking, "Everyone else can crawl or walk, why can't I?" A part of me wants him to reach this milestone, while the other part wants to scoop him up and keep him as a little baby forever. He's growing up too fast and I find myself often feeling conflicting emotions. I didnt' know that parenthood would be so difficult. I found this poem today and it made me cry...
Baby Song by Diane Woolley
At first you didn't lift your head;
You didn't know to smile.
The time before you knew my voice
Seemed such a long, long while.
I couldn't wait for you to roll,
And then to sit and clap.
And now you're off and crawling,
Not helpless in my lap.
Why didn't someone tell me
How fast a baby grows,
That every little baby stage
Soon comes, but sooner goes
So I'll enjoy the fleeting time
Before you learn to walk.
And treasure every tiny noise
Before you learn to talk.
For soon you'll learn to walk,
Then run,
And talk and sing a song,
And never be my babe again.
The babe's forever gone.
Little baby, take your time,
For while you're tiny, you are mine.
In the stillness of the night I tiptoe into your nursery. It is so quiet and peaceful here. I can hear you breathing softly and I watch your little chest rise and fall. Sometimes I reach over to stroke your hair. It is so soft and very fine. Other times I gently caress your little chubby hands or pat your little round tummy. Every once in awhile you stir a little so I have to stop before I wake you up. I go in here to check up on you to make sure that you are warm enough and that you are breathing okay. This is a nightly ritual. I think about you all the time and want to spend every possible minute of my life with you. You are my heart’s delight and you have brought unspeakable joy into my once dull life. I begged God to give me a baby and he gave you to me. Now my arms have someone to hold and to love forever. I’m more fully aware of my human existence now that I have become your mother. You are part of the reason for why I was created and for why I was put on this earth. I thank God every day for giving you to me. If anything ever happened to you my heart would be rent into pieces never to be put back together. As I stand here in your nursery I think about our future together and how I can help you grow into a man. God has given me this responsibility and I do not want to let Him down. I look forward to watching you grow and mature. You are so precious to me. I want to experience with you every happy or sad event in your life. No matter what happens I will always be here for you with open arms to share in your excitement or to wipe away your tears. My love for you is like a two edged sword – one side is a dull, constant pain because I know that someday you will grow to be a man and leave me to start your own family. Sometimes this pain feels so sharp and I weep. This time of your infancy is too short and so precious. I try to slow the time down, but to no avail. We’re living on God’s timetable. The other side of the sword is a feeling of excitement, happiness and contentment in living our lives together here and now. I prefer to feel this side of the sword the most, but I cannot get away from the knowledge that you are growing too fast and the ache in my heart sets back in. The clock is ticking fast and I feel so rushed to spend as much time with you as possible. You are my darling baby boy and I love you extreme.
