My Dearest Carter,
In the stillness of the night I tiptoe into your nursery. It is so quiet and peaceful here. I can hear you breathing softly and I watch your little chest rise and fall. Sometimes I reach over to stroke your hair. It is so soft and very fine. Other times I gently caress your little chubby hands or pat your little round tummy. Every once in awhile you stir a little so I have to stop before I wake you up. I go in here to check up on you to make sure that you are warm enough and that you are breathing okay. This is a nightly ritual. I think about you all the time and want to spend every possible minute of my life with you. You are my heart’s delight and you have brought unspeakable joy into my once dull life. I begged God to give me a baby and he gave you to me. Now my arms have someone to hold and to love forever. I’m more fully aware of my human existence now that I have become your mother. You are part of the reason for why I was created and for why I was put on this earth. I thank God every day for giving you to me. If anything ever happened to you my heart would be rent into pieces never to be put back together. As I stand here in your nursery I think about our future together and how I can help you grow into a man. God has given me this responsibility and I do not want to let Him down. I look forward to watching you grow and mature. You are so precious to me. I want to experience with you every happy or sad event in your life. No matter what happens I will always be here for you with open arms to share in your excitement or to wipe away your tears. My love for you is like a two edged sword – one side is a dull, constant pain because I know that someday you will grow to be a man and leave me to start your own family. Sometimes this pain feels so sharp and I weep. This time of your infancy is too short and so precious. I try to slow the time down, but to no avail. We’re living on God’s timetable. The other side of the sword is a feeling of excitement, happiness and contentment in living our lives together here and now. I prefer to feel this side of the sword the most, but I cannot get away from the knowledge that you are growing too fast and the ache in my heart sets back in. The clock is ticking fast and I feel so rushed to spend as much time with you as possible. You are my darling baby boy and I love you extreme.
- Mommy
My Baby
Ten little fingers,
ten little toes -
Rosy little lips,
and a button nose.
So soft and cuddly
with a baby sweet smell.
Eyes so full of trust
that I just can't fail.
I know a gift of God
you had to be -
How else could something
so perfect come to me?
You wiggle and snuggle,
gurgle and coo –
Do you know of
all the love
in my heart
for you?
Your eyes are
getting heavy,
as off to
Dreamland you go –
To dream of
teddy bears, kittens,
and your Mother's love,
I know.
I hold you close, and look
at you with awe-
as a little silent prayer I say --
"Thank you God, and
please help me mold
this little life the right way."
I put you in your
crib so gently, and
turn to blink
away the tears.
You're my baby now,
but I know it's
just for a few short years.
Ten little fingers,
ten little toes -
Rosy little lips,
and a button nose.
So soft and cuddly
with a baby sweet smell.
Eyes so full of trust
that I just can't fail.
I know a gift of God
you had to be -
How else could something
so perfect come to me?
You wiggle and snuggle,
gurgle and coo –
Do you know of
all the love
in my heart
for you?
Your eyes are
getting heavy,
as off to
Dreamland you go –
To dream of
teddy bears, kittens,
and your Mother's love,
I know.
I hold you close, and look
at you with awe-
as a little silent prayer I say --
"Thank you God, and
please help me mold
this little life the right way."
I put you in your
crib so gently, and
turn to blink
away the tears.
You're my baby now,
but I know it's
just for a few short years.
(c) 1997 Martha Benton All Rights Reserved
